I need to get this down in the public record now, before Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith comes out, because I deduced what I predict will be a major plot point of this movie several years ago.

For those who aren’t up to speed (but care enough about Star Wars to still be reading,… which can’t be many people.)  In Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, we meet young Anakin Skywalker, a towheaded, dead-eyed little boy who is a slave on the desert planet of Tatooine.

I sympathize.  Go to my hometown and you’ll see why. 

Anakin is found by two Jedi, one of whom becomes convinced that the boy is “The Chosen One,”  who “The Prophesy” promised would come and (and this is the important part) “BRING BALANCE to the Force.”

After seeing the Phantom Menace for the first time, on the night it came out, I was walking out of the theater and I turned to my wife and said, “Here’s the thing.  The kid is supposed to bring balance to the force, right?  So, if the only people in the Galaxy using the Force are the Jedi, and they are using the force only for good, then in order to bring balance to the force, Anakin has to be as evil on his own as the entire Jedi order put together is good.”

That is not a big surprise.  Everyone has known from day one that Anakin turns into Darth Vader.  My thing is, how dumb are the Jedi!?  They couldn’t see this coming? 

Really!?

I mean, it couldn’t be more obvious!  All Yoda had to do was look around at all the dedicated Jedi doing good in the universe and wearing earth tones and think, “Balance this he will?  Kill the little bastard I must!”

If I’d written Phantom Menace, it would have been a much shorter movie, and there’d have been no more sequels.  Qui-Gon Jinn would have presented Anakin to the Jedi council; The Jedi would have asked the kid some questions.  Then Yoda would have said, “I sense much fear in him.  He should be afraid!  OF ME!!”

Then Yoda would have leapt into the air and upon landing he would have cut Anakin in two, lengthwise.  It would have been worth it to see the look on Qui-Gon’s face alone!

“Master Yoda!  What about the prophesy?!”

“Balls to your prophesy, I say!  Like the Force lop-sided, I do!  A new prophesy I have.”

The Yoda would close his eyes and wave his hands as if seeing the future.  “Yes… Yes!  Clear it is!  Bring nourishment to the force, young Skywalker will, because cook and eat him I shall!”

Now THAT’S science fiction!!